Evan:  Fuck, Marry, Kill: Bert’n’Ernie, Big Bird, Stephen Baldwin.

Adam: Oh, that’s easy.  Fuck, Marry, Kill in that order:

Fuck: Bert & Ernie, because there’s two of them (obviously).  More bang for your buck (ifyaknowhaddamean…)

Marry: Big Bird, because he seems nice – XD

Kill: Stephen Baldwin…someone really should.

Evan:  Fuck, Marry, Kill: Larry King, Betty White, Statler & Waldorf from the Muppets.

Adam: That’s another easy one:

Fuck: Betty White, because who wouldn’t?  Plus, if I sucked in bed (which I frequently do), I bet she could at least save me from the soul-crushing self-loathing by making me laugh about it…or maybe she’d make it worse…

Marry: Statler & Waldorf.  Because they’re awesome, and I’d really dig having them around to belittle me for the rest of my life…much like a normal wife, but funnier and made of puppets.

Kill: Larry King.  Nothing against the guy, but I just don’t think that he and I would ever find our groove together.

Evan:  Ok, now you give me one!

Adam: Actually, I’ve got another idea.  Tonight, the guys I work with came up with the game “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.”  Five age groups: 50+, late 30’s – 40’s, mid-20’s – mid-30’s, late teens – young 20’s, and totally illegal.  Mine were Morgan Fairchild & Demi Moore for the first two.  The third one’s a little harder, because I put Scarlett Johanssen & Zooey Deschanel in there for a tie…but now I want to include Michelle Monaghan too, because I watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang last night and I think I’m in love with her.  Young is Hayden Panettiere, and illegal is AnnaSophia Robb. Another one of the guys chose Dakota Fanning, so we searched pictures of her, and she’s definitely getting pretty (she’s 16 now, so that’s not creepy, is it?).

Evan:  We are not doing illegal.

Adam: Haha, but that’s the best part.

Evan:  Well, there isn’t anybody.

Adam: What about the Biebs?

Evan:  OMG gross.  His voice hasn’t even dropped.

Adam: I still need your answers.

Evan:  Okay um…this is hard.  I’m really not up on who’s popular with the kids these days?  Thicke, 2000 Thicke, 1990 Thicke, 1980 Thicke, 1970 Thicke.

Adam: I don’t know who Thicke is.

Evan:  Alan Thicke?  The dad on Growing Pains who now does ads for free Vegas vacations?  He’s not attractive at all, but is a punchline in and of himself.

Adam: Haha, nice.

Evan:  My problem is that all of mine are clustered in two age groups: 40’s and late 20’s/30’s.  I have no celebrity crushes under 27 or so.  Wait, how old is Andy Samberg?

Adam:  I don’t know.

Evan:  Okay, we’ll call him “illegal.”

Adam: Remember, this is purely sexual. It has nothing to do with personality or anything.

Evan:  I don’t separate the two.  If I don’t like what happens when they open their mouths, I’m no longer interested.  I’d still bone Ashton Kutcher. He’s 30s now.  The youngest brother on Brothers & Sisters, Dave Annable.  And he’s 31, so we’ll call him “late teens.”  James Franco.  Harry Connick, Jr..  Ewan McGregor, who is an old soul, so we’ll call him 55+.  And Michael Vartan and Jim Parsons from Big Bang Theory.

Adam: Harry Connick, Jr.?  So what you’re saying is that, for you, Harry-Connickah holds a whole different meaning? (Note: We’ll explain our replacement for Christmas, Harry-Connickah, at one point or another. - Adam)

Evan:  Yes, because he’s hot and he sings and he has that New Orleans accent. And yeah, for me, Harry-Connickah is a sensual holiday.  Also, he makes me laugh.  Prerequisite for me actually wanting to have sex with somebody.  Preferably, they can entertain me musically AND make me laugh. Genuinely. I mean, if I have to courtesy laugh, we’re doomed.

Adam: Ok, but you haven’t played by the rules here…you’ve just given me a list of guys you’d like to fuck.  No structure whatsoever.

Evan:  Uh huh, because I don’t have any who are under 25 or over 50 really, or if I do, I can’t think of them.  Oh I’d definitely fuck Gale Harold.

Adam: I don’t know who half these people are.

Evan:  Gale Harold was on Queer as Folk, and then on Desperate Housewives.  Um. Oh, Brad Pitt’s in his 40’s now. He fits most of my bills.

Adam: Ok, so by my count, you’ve chosen 11 people, all falling into two of the five age groups.

Evan:  What did I tell you?  I didn’t even mention my ultimate.  He, also, is in one of the only two age groups I picked from.

Adam: You suck at this game.